Is composition sometimes painful for you?
A composer I know once told me that you have be a masochist to be a composer. That might be overstating things, but it got me thinking.
Many things in life are painful, yet we do them anyway. Perhaps the most extreme example of this is giving birth, which, as I understand it, can be profoundly painful.
And yet, despite this, many women knowingly and deliberately give birth, often more than once.
Are they masochists?
I don't think so. I suspect that the motivation is simple: Their desire to have children is so strong that they are willing to endure the pain that comes with giving birth, and the further frustrations, stress, and challenges that come with raising children.
I think it is similar with composition. Sure, you have good days in which you feel you are making progress on your piece, and you like what you have written, but you also have periods where you struggle, perhaps to the point of wanting to give up, and if you struggle a lot with a composition, you might well find yourself wondering why you ever thought it would be a good idea to write music in the first place. Wouldn't lying on a nice beach in the tropics be preferable? Or playing video games?
Every composer must discover and own their motivation for writing music, but I suspect for most of us the motivation is similar to the desire to have kids: At the end of an often painful process, you will have in your hands something that came from some mysterious place inside you, about which you can hopefully feel good for the rest of your life.
And, speaking only for myself, there are few experiences in life that can compare to the satisfaction of a completed composition that I like (as opposed to a completed composition that I don't care for very much!), which is why I keep at it.
But still, the pain of it all can be daunting at times. If you find yourself feeling discouraged, it might be comforting to know that most, and probably all, composers have experienced what you are feeling on a pretty regular basis. It seems to go with the territory.
I think overcoming discouragement can be particularly challenging during the first few years of composing, since after going through all the labour pains involved in creating a composition, the completed work often does not turn out to be as good as we had hoped.
You almost need to be delusional to persevere beyond these disappointments! Or, if "delusional" is an attribute not held dear to your heart, perhaps "really optimistic" is a better descriptor... The point is, when you begin developing your skills at anything, you tend not to be as good at it as you will become if you persevere doggedly for several years, and it helps if during this early period you can find positive aspects to ensure you are sufficiently motivated to continue.
So, rather than dismissing the results of your compositional efforts ("OMG, my piece sucks!" Or, "how embarrassing! Won't somebody PLEASE drop an anvil on my head?"), it is useful, even essential, to identify the positives ("I really like the tone colour (or harmony, or texture, etc.) of that section!" Or, "the first thirty bars turned out better than I expected!"), while at the same time recognizing that some aspects of your composition(s) need work.
A positive attitude and a good work ethic may be two of the most essential qualities in becoming a good composer, but, unfortunately, the former can be the greater challenge. But take comfort in the knowledge that it is something with which all composers struggle from time to time; sometimes, it's just part of the process.
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Hello! I'm a composer in Texas who has been at it for about 10 years. I have a bachelor's and masters in the field, but I still wake up and often wonder what I'm doing and whether it's worth it, or wonder if the fact that I struggle so much while composing means it's really for me, etc.... the pain aspect of the craft has been consuming my mind with doubts for a while. This was a needed read today, and I so appreciate hearing someone say it happens to them too. Thank you for the encouraging post!
Margaret Barrett
www.margaretcbarrett.com
I think that, as an aspiring composer, it's good to be reminded of the context of one's feelings. Brahms spent 17 or so years writing his first symphony, so he obviously wasn't happy with the music for a great deal of time! Yet he persevered, because he perceived something of value that could be chiseled and refined. Chopin apparently loathed his own Fantasie Impromptu and wished it burned. Debussy never cared much for Reflection in the Water. I'm no Brahms, Chopin, or Debussy, but it's comforting to know that the greats were often not happy with what they created. It lowers the pressure I place on myself for making something that I love every_single_time. That's just realistically not going to happen.
I've had the experience of getting myself down due to my "lack of ability" to compose exactly what it is that I want to hear. But no matter how down I get, a little later down the road, perhaps even a few days, I get the urge to try all over again despite my previous insufficiency.
I do believe that this is due to what you said in this blog: that the return, this finished piece of music conceived and written by you, is well worth all of the hardships involved in trying to get there.
Great post, Dr. Ross!
How many times this year have I found myself saying "I'm done with this... I just can't do it" . After talking to other students in the same boat, it seems like a lot of people feel like this at one point or another. I find that a little time away from a piece can help give me some perspective and sometimes, little breakthroughs make it all worth it.
In the end, there's not much better than a completed piece!
I really hadn't made many attempts at composing before this semester, taking your Intro to Composition course. So far I haven't encountered many pains while trying to compose. I think it's perhaps partially due to the fact that my expectations of what I am composing are always low. I always tell myself "well, I've never really done this, and I never thought I'd be able to, so if I can get anything down on paper then great!"
I would say that the greatest frustration I've had so far is hearing something very distinct in my head but not being able to replicate it on paper. Almost every night my dreams have a full musical score to them. I can't even guess the number of times I've tried to recreate that when I wake up in the morning to no avail. This frustrates me a good deal, because I have this sense and recollection of something great that I would love to make a reality.
I think a positive attitude is essential for being a successful composer. With my experience so far, I haven't always loved what I've composed but I've liked it enough. I'm often able to identify at least portions of what I've written that I really like. It's very reassuring now to read this, because it seems inevitable that my frustration level will grow at some point with something I'm writing. I feel like reading this has better prepared me for when that happens. It never hurts to know that you're not the only one who feels the way you do.
I honestly never thought during this semester that composing could be compared to being as painful as childbirth. But now that I think about it...
Actually, I completely agree with what Aislinn said in the first part of her post. All semester I have been reminding myself that I have never done this before, never thought about doing this before, and never thought I would ever write music. As a result, when I begin to compose and I find little ideas that I like, I tend to stick with it even if it is the first thing that comes into my head, because I have had the mindset that I may never be creative enough to think of another idea that's a bit better.
With all that being said, I have met several frustrations. The most frustrating nights are those where I have planned to work on a project, sat down to do so, and my mind is completely blank. I often asked myself what I was doing in the course if I couldn't come up with a simple line of music within a few minutes. I've tried to get the ball rolling many different ways:
i) listening to a bunch of random music (hoping to get inspired, somehow..)
ii) sitting in silence (maybe my brain will just start wandering and ideas will be born?)
iii) muting my computer and throwing notes into finale, then listening and hoping it sounds decent (failed each time)
iv) making a "game plan" of sorts, and structuring a piece around the initial idea (but I always seemed to change the original idea)
v) complain to anybody who is willing to listen about how bad I am at composing music
vi) waiting until tomorrow (tomorrow will be a better day?)
Ultimately, I have yet to come up with a sure fire way to sit down and start composing. Blank minds are hard to overcome! Then there are the days that I have sat down feeling great, thinking I would get some really good ideas on paper, but alas, nothing amazing happens and I end up being discouraged by the whole idea of writing music.
I particularly liked the point that you made about finding something within the piece that is good, and try to identify any positive aspects instead of focusing on the negative. I will admit I still become rather embarrassed when it comes time to share my music, and I compare myself to other students who I think are much better composers. Maybe if I start finding the positives I will eventually learn to like what I am attempting a little bit more.
You certainly have a way with words (and analogies). Never thought of it that way, but very insightful. I completely agree with your point about excessive optimism. This tends to help me through. Even if I haven't been overly pleased with an assignment, I tend to try and focus on the 5 bars I really liked, or "If I had another couple weeks, that theme really could have developed in a cool way. So I often use the potential of things being great to convince myself its okay if they're not haha!
This is an excellent post to read, especially after having encountered “composer’s block” this semester. The block was very discouraging and even led to a composition completely restarted several times. After hearing opinions from classmates on this composition I was encouraged by the positive feedback I received. Certainly identifying positive elements can be a great motivational tool for an inexperienced composer.
I also agree with Aislinn’s point about hearing music in your head but having difficulty transcribing it. I often wake up with compositional ideas (maybe not as great as Paul McCartney writing “Yesterday” in his sleep) I am unable to document quickly and accurately before they are forgotten. At least I know my mind is being creative and hopefully with more compositional experience, transcribing my thoughts will become easier!
One of the most effective ways I overcome "The Hill" as I like to think of it is to prepare a game plan, a route around the obstacle of "OMG this piece sucks". It is bound to happen in any piece that I write where there comes a time when I need to stop and do something else, take some time away from the music. I find this particularly the case when writing electronic music, sitting at my desk with headphones on in the dark and a gleaming computer screen filled with blips and blops of music. After hearing a loop for the 500th time, I think it is essential to get away from the music - take a nap, get a coffee, or watch some distracting reality television show. The perseverance and positive attitude it takes to write good music is quite a feat, and as young composers, I think it is a challenge we all face, but eventually, we all overcome it.
Interesting post.
I think succeeding in composition is similar to succeeding in many other fields: it will take effort, it won't always be enjoyable, but the end result will generally be worth it. For example, getting a university degree would also be considered masochistic or unpleasant by some, but people knowingly venture into post-secondary education anyway. Sure, there are definitely some moments which are painful (i.e. all-nighters, sight-singing exams, watching yourself conduct, etc.), but these moments are brief and rarely something that a summer vacation cannot fix.
While identifying the positive aspects of compositions is useful for self-motivation and esteem, I think another useful technique could be to reflect on improvements. I've done this with my horn playing. While this could also be considered painful, I think it is extremely uplifting to be able to laugh at a past recording as this usually demonstrates that you've since made advancements. Conversely, it could also be beneficial to listen to a recent recording that you're proud of.
I think that pain (that is emotional pain, with regard to creation and artistry) can be the best motivator, because from out of it is born a desire to improve and strive for something better than your last attempt. The thoughts you present here echo many of my own sentiments about writing (words, essays, and prose rather than music). I think that being discouraged and having some sense of humility are a couple of the best, most valuable qualities a writer (of music or of words) can have; these attitudes will always leave you striving for something better. I remember talking to a music student once who told me that she thought her compositions were always the best in the class. My reaction wasn't what she expected, which I believe was "oh wow that's so great, I wish I felt that way!" but was rather "that's a very dangerous attitude to have." If you always think your compositions are the best, what room are you leaving yourself for improvement?
I think everyone can relate to the frustration and pain of composer's block. It took me all semester to pen something I liked on our Assignment 3 - and even now I want to make more revision. Why must we put ourselves through these deep internal struggles?
Similar to what Aislinn said, but not quite - I often find that I get the greatest ideas in my head at the most inopportune times - in the shower, walking home from schoo... you get the idea. There's just never enough manuscript paper readily available. Its the most painful to me, thinking about what could have been had I remembered that melody I thought of earlier.
Everyone has their own issues, but as you say, the most important thing is to maintain that positive attitude. You're not alone!
I can certainly relate to this blog post. In this composition course I have taken, I have really learned to be optimistic in many cases when it appeared difficult to do so. Many times before presenting my work in class, I have been unsettled about my work. Most often, I told myself to come to class with what I have completed anyway. At least I will have the opportunity to discuss some possible options with my professor and classmates for further progress on my composition. Being optimistic about my work has helped me through this semester. This is also a better option to choose, rather than showing up to class without anything completed because I didn't like what I had composed. This can certainly apply outside the classroom and to any situation of composing.
Some days, music flows from my mind as though I'm unwinding it off a spool of thread. Other days, I'm beating my head against the keyboard until it bleeds notes. But for me, it isn't even a question of whether the pain is worthwhile. I compose because I have that creative desire, and I don't think I could turn it off even if I wanted to; it would simply start to gnaw, and longing is far more painful to me than frustration of disappointment. Although not all have been enjoyable, I have never once regretted a session of composition. I have never come away from composing worse off than when I began. There is pleasure in the creative process, in the result (usually!), in the sharing of ideas, in seeing your skills improve at something in which you invest your heart and time. And even when the process is challenging, there is pleasure in the intellectual acrobatics of problem-solving. I think a composer needs to remember that "hard", "frustrating", or even "unenjoyable" are by no means synonyms for "bad"; they're simply a part of anything worthwhile. For me, there's no trade off between frustration and satisfaction in composition; the difficulties along the way only make the result that much better, whether the piece turns out well or is a stepping stone to a greater success down the road.
I find that these kinds of pains are relevant throughout all music making, whether it be writing it or playing it. I once read a quote that said "working hard for something we don't care about is called stress. Working hard for something we do love is called passion". I think this is very applicable in this situation. If we didn't love composing, or truly care about it, then all it would be is meeting another deadline, something else to cross off the list. Hitting a patch of writers block can sometimes make it feel this way. Digging deep for some optimism is vital to the successful overcoming of this pain. I think that if we continue on the path of "why would I write this, it sounds awful"' or "what if I can't actually compose and just thought I could" we will turn into machines who are just cranking out music for the sake of it rather than actually committing to writing pieces we are going to be proud of and be happy with for the rest of our lives, which will come with looking for the positives.
"Every composer must discover and own their motivation for writing music"
I really appreciate this sentiment. For myself I think that I need to focus on the aspects of the creative process that I appreciate. If I allow myself to live for the outcomes of my compositions, I will likely give up composition. I do not (yet) create compositions that are comparable in quality to the works that I hear and perform. Also, that is very hard to quantify, it is hard (if not impossible) to track progress in quality of compositions, and sometimes one completed composition will be less satisfying than the one that came before it. Winning awards, getting commissions, and being accepted to prestigious schools are likely highly motivating for some people, but it seems a bit precarious relying on gratification from without for our own internal motivation. Maybe that's me; I have received an award, which was exciting when it happened and gave me a temporary feeling of possibility, but even more often I have received rejections from competitions, and from master's programs, and I do not want these to discourage me from continuing to compose.
For myself, I must find value in the process no matter how hard it can be. I don't want to spend my time looking at scores that I have already written, or listening to the recordings of them. I want keep going, and develop new ideas into new pieces. Some of them will be flops. Some of them will be successful. Maybe eventually I'll be able to make money writing music. However, I can't let that be the most important thing about writing music. I need to experience the ups and downs of generating ideas and weaving them into music. I will likely always have specific goals that I am working towards, like my next composition lesson or putting music in to x number of competitions a year, and these will help motivate me through the sticky patches. However, I also strive to find motivation in the process of weaving musical lines together and manipulating musical ideas into musical compositions.
I would agree that we have to find our own motivation for writing music. And I add, that anything that seems worth doing sometimes requires a fair bit of endurance. Nothing is easy, and 9/10 chances whatever you have decided to do requires work, dedication, and commitment. I believe composing is much the same as the other areas of music, it requires tedious attention to detail and technique, extensive hours of preparation and practice, and an endurance of impatience, failure, and dissatisfaction. I believe these things come with composing, and with anything that we put our hearts into, or are determined to achieve. Life is not hunky-dorey, bad things/feelings will happen. Moving past a failed composition, or a bad review, is what keeps us moving forward. The key to success is overcoming them, not avoiding them.
I like the thought of being delusionally optimistic when beginning to compose. Returning to the comparison between composition and having children, (I would hope that) one does not deem an infant to be a disgrace who will amount to nothing after a few months of existence. Any small achievement of the child is celebrated, and the tantrums/struggles are brushed off by the parents. This is probably not for the sake of the child, who will not remember these milestones when they reach maturity. However, the parent will probably remember the first years of their child's life indefinitely as this period was the foundation of a life-long relationship. Having a positive attitude while composing is essential during these formative years, where discouragement can snuff out any future motivation to compose.
The compositional process, for me, can be very easy and also very difficult in a very short time span. What I struggle most with in composing is being confident that my compositions are good enough to present to other people. I find it very easy to focus on the things that I don't like, even though I know that we are all our own toughest critic. I wish that whenever inspiration hit that I was available to drop everything and compose, but that isn't always an option. I find that usually the time that I set aside to compose just happens to be the times when I am the least inspired! However, as hard as the compositional process may be at times, I think that I do it because when I have a finished product in my hands I am able to appreciate it, and I usually like listening to my own finished compositions.
Your analogy about composing music being like giving birth was funny to me, but it makes so much sense, for a lot of reasons. Going into composing a piece, we know its going to be difficult and that there are going to be struggles during the process, but we do it anyway because we know the end result will be worth it. If everyone said they didn’t want to have children because it’s too painful, we would basically cease to exist. Likewise, if everyone refused to write music in fear of it being too difficult or “painful”, we wouldn’t have music.
So you’re right, it’s important to push through and remind ourselves that if we keep working at it, we have the power to truly create something awesome. Almost every composer, if not all composer experience “pains” at some point during their careers, so we need to remind ourselves that its normal to struggle, and if you ask me, it’s probably healthy to struggle. It is pushing through those moments of difficulty that can inspire greatness and expand our horizons as a composer.
For me, the first couple bars of an idea for a piece are always the most painful. Once I get going, and can elaborate on my themes things tend to become easier. I think in general as you have said, and Hannah mentioned in an earlier post that it is important to push through our frustrations. However, I do find that in this course I have been taking the "compose until you get frustrated" method, where I write until I am so incredibly irritated with my work that I have to close my computer. It is later, in those hours after the break when I open up my laptop and notice that my ideas are actually pretty good ideas! I think as others have said, it is always important to keep the end goal in mind. I always think about how happy I am with my finished composition and how eager I am to share it to cope with the composer's block.
I'm not going to lie, I had to read the first few paragraphs a few times to make sure I was reading it right. It made my day reading that comparison because I had never thought about it that way and it does make so much sense! The most painful part about composing to me is having a general idea of what you want to do for a certain section or instrument, but you don't know how to put it on the score. And sometimes you have so many ideas and then finding the right one for this particular section is a struggle. But you are right, it is definitely all worth it in the end.
I believe that success is something that is achieved through lots of practice and effort. There are not many people out there that can become great at something without any unpleasant or painful experiences to get there. I think the biggest step that anyone can take is to venture into that world of pain. Perhaps it might be having to write a composition in a limited time frame, and it becomes painful to really stay focused on one idea. One might have sleepless nights thinking that some of their ideas do not fit, or that they prefer for something different to occur in parts. One of the biggest ways to overcome these painful experiences is to understand that beyond these painful experiences there are many opportunities of rest. One of the things that always helps me during painful experiences when writing a composition is looking forward to the break when it is done. This helps in giving me confidence towards fulfilling the goal that has been outlined, whether that may be the beginning stages of a new composition, or the hours of tedious work towards fixing and cleaning a composition. The other thing that always help me alleviate the pain is looking at the work that I have finished. It is always a great feeling looking back at a composition and seeing how much work and effort was put in to write it. This is definitely one of the motivating factors when it comes to me and writing new compositions.
I completely agree with the idea that composers need to be very optimistic. While it is important to stay critical of your work, having a positive outlook and being able to reflect on the positives makes life more enjoyable and your work more productive. If you are constantly tearing yourself down, you only make your work harder. Another thing that composers could do to improve their quality of life is to try and situate themselves in a positive and supportive environment. Support from yourself and others is essential to maintaining a positive attitude and a willingness to continue in a difficult field. Finally, it’s important to celebrate your own progress, and avoid basing your self-worth on how you compare to others. If we constantly compare ourselves to others, especially while still in the early stages of learning, it can destroy self-confidence and push you out of a field you might otherwise love.
Delusion and optimism are often not so different. The pain endured during an endeavor is directly related to the relief felt at its end, this euphoria can often make most projects feel immediately better in hindsight. It is important to not only highlight the positive aspects of your creation, but to also constructively review the negatives and what is holding it back. Regardless of the toil of the moment, everything is always much rosier in hindsight.
I 100% agree with the idea of composers actively attempting to look on the positive elements of their work, while still recognizing that there are improvements to be made (while maintaining positivity). Nobody is perfect, and therefore it goes without saying that anything created by a person, will not be perfect either. There will always be something you wish you did differently and there will always be ways to improve.
In my opinion, it isn't only important to focus on the positive aspects of your compositions, but also to view the negative elements in a more positive light. After all of the "Labour pains" that are gone through in the process of composition - why would you continue to torture yourself after the baby is delivered? It's quite easy to have a positive outlook on things you like about a piece you wrote, but the real challenge is changing you perception in such a way that you are able to have a positive outlook on the things you don't like. This ability would lead a person to be able to make larger strides in the improvement of their compositional skill - as well as alleviate some of the stressful, overly critical expectations we set for ourselves.
I thoroughly enjoyed this article!
I think we all tend to be our own worst critics, especially when it comes to anything creative such as music and composing. I think the solution is to remove our egos and self worth from our skills and abilities as much as possible (I haven't quite been able to figure this out yet lol) and not measure the value of our being in the success or failures of our musical and artistic pursuits. What helps me sometimes when preparing for a concert/comp presentation is to honestly ask the question: what is the worse that will happen? Perhaps the worst that will happen is I will sound bad or someone will say my composition sucks! These are painful experiences as these are emotional pursuits but no one will die or get hurt (at least physically!).
While I do not want to compare apples to oranges, if a surgeon messes up or a bus driver crashes their bus, death is not a far stretch. At least with what we are doing the worst that happens is we feel emotional pain and over time we can develop a thicker skin and better techniques for dealing these things. I think if we can zoom out of everything and see the larger "waveform" we can see that in the grand scheme of things what seem to be huge peaks and troughs are really not that significant when we see the bigger picture. We should be a little kinder to our selves and others and simply keep going with an optimistic attitude!
I think this is an extremely interesting topic, that allows for some insight into the creative process through the lens of how it can be sometimes difficult to 'trudge' your way through getting a piece done or create new ideas, sections, etc. I think the typical way the issues with the creative process are looked at is almost always linked to writers block, which is a topic that has been discussed time and time again. Looking at it instead this way is a great way of redefining why we as composers sometimes can't bring ourselves to write anything on particular days, by having this be explained not with a lack of motivation, but rather an unwillingness to go through the 'pain' of composing.
That being said, I fully agree with the analogy brought up here about us composers not being masochists for writing through the mental obstacles brought up by the way we write, but rather being driven by the result & feeling of finishing a section or entirety of a piece. There are times where I feel no motivation to write anything, even when a due date is up and coming. Now that I can think about my mindset during these times in relation to this topic, I've realized that maybe my issues don't come from not wanting to compose, but not wanting to deal with the difficulties of writing.
This gives me some hope knowing that maybe these moments of apathy that I experience don't come from being creatively dead (which is an issue I've been dealing with for a while), but instead come from not being able to see any sort of goal in my writing. The way I see it, only one of these issues can be fixed easily. By making myself have a goal to reach in mind when I sit down to compose, it can hopefully make the entire creative process more worth the pain in a similar way, although obviously nowhere near as painful, as a mother going though childbirth with the unsurpassable desire to have a child.
Lately when composing I find myself struggling to create pieces. Usually I can sit at a piano and make a song up on the spot but recently I’ve felt blocked, easily giving up, mostly pushing myself to complete the assignments for the class. I have to remind myself that on the other side of this struggle is a reward of completion. But in the moment I compose a piece and it sounds nothing like how I thought it would, not as good. I agree that composers need to be optimistic and that’s how I should be but in the middle of it, I feel anything but. After reading this post I need to shift my mindset to a more positive side. I agree that composers should always attempt to look for the positive elements in their work, with the thought of ‘how can I make this better’, striving to improve in their mind. I know I’m my own worst critic with my composing and life in general, but like our compositions, I’m a work in progress.
This is a super interesting discussion. For me, I compose a lot. some compositions are for assignments for school, some are for myself, and others are for my friends. Most of the time, composing can be a fun (and long) process, and the feeling I get from completing a composition after so much herd work is euphoric. But other times a piece just isn't working and all the joy from composing, and completing the composition gets sucked out of me. For example, I had an orchestration assignment last year that was very gruelling from start to finish. I found this project to be so relentless that I couldn't even find any relief after passing it in. things like that happens sometimes, but does it make you a bad composer or a fraud? absolutely not, Yore still passing in a quality composition! This defeatist feeling might not even be the composition itself, you might just be having a very overwhglimg week and just can't find the motivation to compose, and there is nothing wrong with that, we all have our off days. For me, having the bad composition process gets completely overshadowed by all of the joy and fulfillment I get from composing the other 99% of the time.
Interesting Post!
This course has been my first time ever composing music. Sure I have come up with melodies on my guitar or tunes to hum, but this is the first time in my life where I have had to sit down and compose a piece from start to finish. It has been a very interesting experience, and one I almost didn't get through. When composing my first piece I felt completely stuck. I had a list of chords that I didn't know what to do with and my morale was at a low. It got to the point where I considered if I should drop the course, thinking composition just wasn't for me. Eventually, after many nights of staring blankly at a piano or the finale software, I got an idea. That idea lead to more and more and before I knew it I had composed a piece. It was like I hit the "runner's high" of composition. When I listened back to the finished product, I felt an overwhelming sense of self accomplishment. This piece started with nothing and now here it is in front of me being played back in my headphones. I think that overwhelming sensation of accomplishment and joy that this project you have worked so hard on is finally complete are what keep people composing. That's the case for me at least. There has been a point in every project this semester where I have hit a mental roadblock and it feels like all hope is lost. I am beyonde proud of every single one of those compositions and now the more I compose, the more I know that the struggle will be worth it.
I completely agree with this post. Especially in an environment like ours, with competition everywhere and constant criticism. It is extremely difficult at times to stay positive about our own compositions and instead compare them to others. It truly takes so much determination to do what a composer does everyday. It is not enough to just want to do it, it is a lot of hard work. Sometimes this can get really overwhelming when everyday our work is being compared to others. This is why keeping a positive attitude is imperative to being a composer. It is okay to have bad days and creative stumps, but remembering the real reason why you fell in love with composition and the end goal is essentially what will push you through.
Something that I frequently experience is that I will be filled with a sudden burst of inspiration for a new piece. I will open up Finale, set up the score and meticulously pick out the instrumentation, key, tempo, time signature and length of the piece, load the new score...then suddenly I lose any and all motivation and excitement I had for the project, and I let it sit on my hard drive collecting dust. Dozens of potential new works have been discarded throughout my career, receiving 4 bars of notes at best before being forgotten. It's a painful cycle to go through, but like this post said, the chance that maybe one in ten of these pieces will actually come to fruition, it's enough to keep me going. Even if it's pretty disproportionate ratio of unfinished to finished works, the occasion when I not only finish something, but it ends up being good, that's what I'm counting on as a composer.
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